Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
PANTIES FOUND
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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