I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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