if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Success! We fucked roommates!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
