how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
