11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
