haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
