i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
