Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
