is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
