You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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