My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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