I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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