So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
