I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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