Soap is not a condiment
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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