Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
