im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
