I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize