Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
