Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize