ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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