Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
