I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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