Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
