I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
