New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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