I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize