She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
