I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
