Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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