I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
