Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
well you can't waste a boner
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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