At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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