recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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