I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
