the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize