You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
