Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is classic penis vs brain.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
