im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
