Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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