I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
