i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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