So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
