trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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