someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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