if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
