i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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