I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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