Already got asked if we're dating
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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