im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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