I think i sorta joined a cult last night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
