nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize