last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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