its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize