so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
