My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
