GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
