I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
