dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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