Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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