I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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