her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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