you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
