He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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