Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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