would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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