I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize