You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
