every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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