It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize