also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
