Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
