3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
