You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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