I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
