I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
