if you like me you must not know who I am
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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