he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
