Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize